A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He Gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks at the biggest, meanest one in the face and says,
"I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is a fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker, and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good - the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders and says "Grandpa, you're drunk....... Go home!" |
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Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a biker bar. Late in the evening the officer noticed a drunken biker leaving the bar so drunk that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes as the officer quietly observed from a distance.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys in five different motorcycles, the man finally managed to find his own.
He sat on it for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar, cranked up their bikes and took off. The policeman continued to observe.
Finally the drunk tried to kick start his bike and damn near fell off.
Eventually he got it started, turned on his hazard lights, hit the horn a few times, popped it into gear and did a little rooster tail before getting it stopped again. He remained stationary for a few minutes longer, as several more patrons left on their bikes.
At last the drunk turned his hazard lights off, his head light on,
Slowly pulled out of the parking lot and started riding carefully down the street.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing red and blue lights, and promptly pulled the biker over. He insisted the biker take a breathalyzer test, but to his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”
“I doubt it,” said the biker. “Tonight I’m the DESIGNATED DECOY.” |
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A man riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The old biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy"
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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