A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage,
Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in. When I finish, it works just like new. "
"So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same job?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running" |
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A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley |
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike,the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)
"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks" |
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Why "Dear Abby" doesn't publish letters from men ! |
Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife.
I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
(signed)
Perplexed and Confused
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Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave Back |
10. - Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
9. - Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
8. - Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
7. - Afraid to let go of the handlebars because they might vibrate off.
6. - Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
5. - Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.
4. - Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers.
3. - Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
2. - Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet.
1. - Jealous that after spending over $20,000, they still don't own a Gold Wing.
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Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Don't Wave Back |
10. - Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture.
9. - Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip.
8. - Has arthritis and the past 40 miles have made it difficult to raise arm.
7. - Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.
6. - The on board espresso machine just finished.
5. - Was actually asleep when other rider waved.
4. - Was in a three-way conference call with stock broker and accessories dealer.
3. - Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen.
2. - Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, driver air bag pressure, seat temperature, satellite navigation system and his Blackberry Internet connection.
1. - Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on the dashboard.
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Top Ten Reasons Why Sport Bike Riders Don't Wave Back |
10. - They have not been riding long enough to know they're supposed to.
9. - They're going too fast to have time enough to register the movement and respond.
8. - You weren't wearing bright enough gear.
7. - If they stick their arm out going that fast they'll rip it out of the socket.
6. - They're too occupied with trying to get rid of their chicken strips.
5. - They look way to cool with both hands on the bars or they don't want to unbalance themselves whilst standing on the tank.
4. - Their skin tight kevlar ballistic nylon kangaroo leather suits prevent any position other than foetal.
3. - Raising an arm allows bugs in to the arm holes of their tank tops.
2. - It's too hard to do one handed stoppies.
1. - They were too busy slipping their flip flops back on.
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Top Ten Reasons Why BMW Riders Don't Wave Back |
10. - New Aerostich suit too stiff to raise arm.
9. - Removing a hand from the bars is considered "Bad Form"..
8. - Your bike isn't weird enough looking to justify acknowledgement.
7. - Too sore from an 800Klm day on a stock "comfort" seat..
6. - Too busy programming the GPS, monitoring radar, listening to ipod, XM or talking on the cell phone..
5. - He's an Iron Butt rider and you're not!.
4. - Wires from Gerbings are too short.
3. - You're not riding the "right kind" of BMW..
2. - You haven't been properly introduced.
1. - Afraid it will be misinterpreted as a friendly gesture.
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